


I'll See You Beyond the Sea

by SorchaCahill



Category: Mass Effect Trilogy
Genre: Don't copy to another site, F/M, Goodbyes, Grief/Mourning, Healing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-22
Updated: 2019-04-22
Packaged: 2020-01-24 04:24:51
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,594
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18563869
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SorchaCahill/pseuds/SorchaCahill
Summary: Lena had promised that they would see the desert together after they defeated the Collectors. Fate intervened before she could make good on that promise so now she's doing the best she can.





	I'll See You Beyond the Sea

**Author's Note:**

> This is tied in with Nuts and Bolts, so some spoilers if you haven't read it.

 

A warm, dry breeze washed over her face, a pleasant change from the canned air of the _Normandy_. For the first time since she woke up she felt some semblance of peace, peace that she had only glimpses of during the time they fought to defeat the Collectors. And they had, defeated them that is, but the cost had been high. It was over a month later and she was still trying to process it all.

Lena knew that their mission had been a risky one, some even called it a suicide mission and they weren’t far off. Even with the upgrades the _Normandy_ had taken quite a beating. Joker had barely recovered from the attack on the ship when they made the run for the Omega 4 Relay but nothing short of sedation would have kept him out of the pilot’s seat when they made their attack run on the base. She wouldn’t have pulled him from duty even if she wanted to, not with almost all the crew taken by the Collectors. Joker deserved just as much payback as she did.

Zaeed and Legion were the first to fall, both caught up in the Collector swarms and husks. Kasumi had barely made it through the doors, the Collectors right behind her. Tali’s suit had torn and they had nearly lost her to infection. Garrus added several more scars to his collection and both Jacob and Miranda had suffered minor fractures when they hadn’t been quick enough to evade a Praetorian’s energy beam. The rest all had all various forms of bruising and bleeding, Despite injury and heartbreak they all had pressed on, each knowing the consequences if they failed.

And then it had happened. She should have been prepared for it. She knew that their time had been short and always would be but she hadn’t expected for him to be taken away so abruptly.

_“I’m afraid I’ve picked a bad time to leave, siha.”_

She felt hollowed out, empty. It wasn’t supposed to happen like that. They were supposed to have more time. Not a lot, but at least some more. But Fate, the cruel bitch that she was, stepped in and fucked with her again.

_“I should very much like to see a desert.”_

_“I know just the perfect one. We’ll see it together. I promise.”_

It was a promise she shouldn’t have made but she did. Looking back it was hard not to think that she had cursed herself by making those plans. Logically she knew it was foolish to think such thoughts but her heart said differently. If she’d been quicker, faster, more alert she would have seen the Collectors before they ambushed them.

The packed dirt was warm on her bare feet as she sat down. She couldn’t remember the last time she had taken a moment like this to just be still. To push out all the responsibilities that the universe shoved upon her. Not since she woke up in the Cerberus lab, definitely not before the race to find Saren. Probably not since before she’d joined the N7 program, maybe even since before she joined the Alliance. Maybe since Mindoir.

It was good though, just sitting there and taking in the scene before her. She’d picked a spot high up on top of one of the cliffs that overlooked the expansive desert, making use of the rock climbing skills she’d learned long ago. She liked to think that Thane would have enjoyed the climb as much as the view.

It was freeing, more than she expected, to have no requirements or responsibilities heaved upon her. At the moment it was just her, the desert, and her memories.

She had been so angry when she had read Dr Chakwas’ report on Thane, how he had refused a lung transplant. Had that been before their relationship had blossomed? If he had survived the assault on the Collector base would he have changed his mind? And if he had, would it have been too late? All questions that she would never have an answer to.

Liara hadn’t quite known what to do with her when she broke down crying after reading the report. Lena had crumpled to the floor, head in her hands as the tears fell. Rather than say anything, her friend had sat next to her on the cold floor of the Shadow Broker’s ship and put a consoling arm around her. She’d felt hollow after that and it had taken a while for that space to fill up. It was still there, an ache that would never go away, but it was manageable.

She and the _Normandy_ had drifted for a few weeks after that. After cutting ties with Cerberus and the Illusive Man they had lost funding and support but in truth Lena was fine with that. She had the ship and her crew and the continuing mission to stop the Reapers. They would have continued like that, hunting down clues, shutting down bases if they hadn’t entered the system she had once called home what seemed like a lifetime ago and in a way it was. They had been following a data trail that supposedly led to a Cerberus information cache that had turned out to be a wild goose chase.

Lena had stared at the galaxy map, chewing on her bottom lip as she tried to decide what to do next. Before she could change her mind, she ordered Joker to change course and head to Mindoir and now she sat here on a desert cliff overlooking the vast basin below. If she squinted she could see the ocean looming in the far distance.

Taking a deep breath she stood up, pulling out the urn from her backpack. She knew that it was tradition for drell to give their bodies back to the sea but she couldn’t do it. She had scoured the extranet to find drell practices prior to the hanar’s so-called uplifting but there wasn’t much. Just like the drell religion many of their traditions were fading, lost to time and assimilation. She wasn’t sure that cremation and spreading of ashes would be any better in Thane’s eyes but with no other family this was the best she could come up with. Thane had wanted to see a desert and this was the best way she knew how to do that.

Lena took another breath and unsealed the urn, holding it in both hands.

“Kalahira, this one's heart is pure, but beset by wickedness and contention.”

The wind kicked up, teasing at the loose hairs at her temple. She’d cut it short after the Collector base, not wanting to deal with braiding it back. It revealed more of the scars left by the Lazarus project but she didn’t care. Those scars would heal. The ones on her heart she was less sure of.

“Guide this one to where the traveler never tires, the lover never leaves, the hungry never starve.”

Lena stepped up to the edge, her toes just touching that line between land and sky. Tipping the urn, she let the ashes spill out, the wind catching them and spreading them out over the desert below.

“Guide this one, Kalahira, and he will be a companion to you as he was to me.”

The pressure in her chest grew as the last of the ashes poured out, taking the last of Thane with it. A sudden wave of nausea hit her but she ruthlessly stamped it down. She wasn’t going to let a queasy stomach ruin this moment.

The tears however, those she let flow freely.

She sank to the ground, sitting back on her heels as she hugged the empty urn close. God she missed him. She remember back to that night before they attacked the Collector base, how he had come to her, pacing like a caged animal. It was the second time she had ever seen a break in his composure, the first being when they had been unable to stop Kolyat from assassinating the turian. She had tried to contact him after Thane’s death, EDI had been able to extrapolate his location to somewhere on Omega but all her calls were left unanswered.

Lena looked up through watery eyes, watching as the sun set in the west, reds and oranges bleeding across the horizon, committing it all to memory. She may not have Thane’s eidetic memory but this moment, this she would never forget.

_Do not mourn me for long, siha. Life in all its wonders and forms should be embraced. Live, love, and laugh and know that I will be waiting for you beyond the sea._

A soft ping from her Omni-tool interrupted the moment, followed by Joker’s voice.

“Sorry Commander, I didn’t want to interrupt but Admiral Hackett is on the line. It, uh, sounded important. I stalled as long as I could.”

Lena closed her eyes and inhaled deeply, letting out the air slowly. There was no use in being bitter about the interruption. If she was honest with herself she was surprised she’d had this much time to herself.

“Thanks Joker. Tell the Admiral I’ll be there as soon as I can. It’ll take me a bit to climb down.”

There was a brief pause before Joker answered. “Roger that Commander. I’ll just stall Admiral Hackett, the Admiral of the Alliance Navy, even more. No big deal.”

Despite everything a small smile rose on her face. She looked back out over the landscape.

“I’ll see you again, somewhere across the sea.”


End file.
